The Adventures of Porky and Pineapple
by Juliette4
Summary: It's about a pig and pineapple who are best friends and have adventures. Goofy, but cute.
1. Playing cards

Hi! This is goofy and cute and I don't care if you don't like it or not, because I do and that's all that matters, right? So if you send flames, go to the circus and swallow them yourself, have fun reading!  
  
Juliette4  
  
Chapter One  
  
Once upon a time in a land far far, away, where animals and plants could talk, there lived a roley poley pig named Porky, and a squishy pulpy pineapple, named Pineapple.  
Porky and Pineapple were the best of friends. Some days, Pineapple would go over to Porky's pighouse, like a doghouse only roomier; and they would sit and play cards. It was very hard for Pineapple to play cards, because if you've ever seen a pineapple you'd know that it doesn't have any arms. But, if Pineapple lied down just the right way, so she wouldn't roll over; she could hold the cards with her leaves, which were stiff, and although not meant to be arms, were quite useful when applied properly.  
It was quite easy for Porky to hold her cards though, because pigs have hooves, and the cards were just the right size to fit in the crack of her hoof. And so they were one rainy day, sitting in Porky's pighouse, playing cards. Pineapple was on her stomach holding her cards with her leaves, and Porky was sitting on her haunches, holding her cards in her hoof.  
  
Porky gazed at her cards. "Have you got any.kings?" She asked Pineapple.  
  
"No," said Pineapple. "Go fish."  
  
"Oh drat!" Said Porky, and she pulled a card from the pile.  
  
"Oh Porky!" Said Pineapple. "Must I keep reminding you not to use such language?" She waggled a leaf at her. "You'll never get a handsome hog that way."  
  
Porky rolled her eyes. "It's not as if I'll get a handsome hog anyways, I think I'm too skinny." And she patted her stomach.  
  
"Nonsense!" Exclaimed Pineapple. "Your shape is lovely! Stop putting yourself down like that!"  
  
"Your turn," said Porky, changing the subject.  
  
"Do you have any 2's?" asked Pineapple. "And stop changing the subject."  
  
Porky gave her two 2's. "I'm not changing the subject. I just think that hogs like fatter pigs."  
  
Pineapple opened her mouth to retort, but then, a loud thunderclap sounded outside, and lightening soon after; and all of the lights in Porky's little pighouse went out; and the two friends were plunged into darkness. 


	2. Blackout

Perhaps you are wondering the story behind the story. Well, My friend Denise and I have nicknames for each other. My nickname for her is Pineapple, and her nickname for me is porky. Why? Well wee were trying to think up nicknames for each other, and I happened to mention to Denise that I didn't like ham, so she called me Porky for that reason, not because I'm fat or she likes to be mean, and not because I like pigs. As a matter of fact my favorite animal is a horse, not pig. Anyways, so she had figured out her nickname for me but I still had to make one for her. I told her that the first name I heard I would call her. Just then my Mom called from the kitchen: "Missy! Come help me plant this pineapple!" Hence the nickname, Pineapple. Missy is my real name by the way. Or actually it's Sofia, but Missy is a nickname for Melissa, one of my middle names. Anyhow, I mentioned one day to Denise that I thought we should write a story about a pig and pineapple that were best friends. So I did! She didn't help me, but she loves it all the same. Her favorite character besides Porky and Pineapple of course, is Douglas. So there you have it..The story behind the story.  
  
Juliette4  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"Oh dear," said Pineapple standing up. "A blackout."  
  
"Oh no, Oh no!" Cried Porky dropping her cards and running around terrified, in little circles. "It's so dark in here, I can't see where I'm going! What'll we do, what'll we-oof!" She had knocked Pineapple right over. But she was so frightened of the thunder and lightening, combined with the strange shadows; that she didn't notice. And before Pineapple had time to pick herself up off the floor again, Porky had run back around, and trod right on one of poor Pineapple's leaves.  
  
"Ouch!" Cried Pineapple despairingly, just as.click, click, click. The lights came back on.  
  
Porky stopped running around. "The lights are back on!" She cried clapping her hooves together with glee.  
  
"Oh look what you did!" Said Pineapple angrily. "And she held up her limp leaf.  
  
Porky's mouth dropped open. "Oh, Pineapple did I do that to your leaf?"  
  
"Yes you did." Said Pineapple irritably, "and that leaf was one of my favorites too, it was beautifully long and green. And now it's gone."  
  
"I'm sorry Pineapple," said Porky miserably. "I was so scared of the dark that I didn't realize that I'd hurt you."  
  
"Obviously," Pineapple said dryly.  
  
"I'm really sorry," said Porky, her tail drooping.  
  
"It's ok," Pineapple said kindly. "But would you please put a band-aid on it?"  
  
"Ok!" Said Porky, happy again. She ran into the tiny kitchen and got a band- aid out of the cabinet. "Oh dear," she said. She turned to Pineapple who had hopped into the kitchen behind her. "It's a tad large," she said to Pineapple. She held up the bandage. It was so big; it could have easily covered Pineapple's whole body.  
  
Pineapple slapped a leaf over her face and groaned.  
  
Porky's ears drooped. "It's not my fault," she moaned.  
  
Pineapple smiled weakly. "It's ok, Porky, just forget it. Why don't we go pick up the cards?"  
  
Porky nodded, and they went into the living room to pick up the cards. 


	3. Prelude to mud

Chapter Three  
  
"So Pineapple, do you have any nice gentleman pineapples that you like?" Porky asked slyly, trying to con Pineapple into saying something.  
  
Pineapple caught onto her scam. "Oh no you don't. I don't have any boy pineapple friends, and you know it. Besides, good boy pineapples are hard to find these days."  
  
Porky raised her eyebrows, what about your neighbor, Davey Pine?"  
  
Pineapple sighed. "Oh, Davey's just a friend. I've loved him for forever though. He's very sweet."  
  
"Well if he's so sweet, why don't you marry him?"  
  
Pineapple stared at her friend shocked. "Marry him? That's a big step you know Porky."  
  
"Of course it is, but don't pineapples marry early?"  
  
Pineapple laughed. "Of course not, where on earth did you get that harebrained idea? Besides, I'm a very young pineapple."  
  
Porky nodded. "That's true." She turned her behind to Pineapple. "Is my bow straight?" She asked. Porky always had a pretty pink bow tied to her tail. She had matching ones on her ears.  
  
Pineapple straightened the bow. "It is now!"  
  
Porky looked out the window. "Oh look Pineapple, the rain's stopped. Let's go outside and roll in the mud!"  
  
Pineapple looked appalled. "Roll? In the mud???" She asked.  
  
Porky nodded. "Yeah, yeah, let's go!"  
  
Pineapple frowned. "I don't think so, Porky."  
  
"Why not?" Porky asked. "It's lots of fun."  
  
"Well for one thing, pineapples don't roll in the mud. For another thing, it's dirty and smelly. Why do you pigs like rolling in mud anyways? Besides," she added. "I just fixed your bow."  
  
"Pigs don't roll in mud for the fun of it!" Porky said, looking affronted. "We roll to get rid of bothersome flies and to cool off, and to stop itches. Then we wash of in clean water." She spun around. "How do you think I stay so beautiful and clean? Won't you please come roll with me Pineapple? You'll feel better after you do, I promise. And I'll take off my bows, of course." She said as an afterthought.  
  
Pineapple searched for a quick way to escape. She held up her leaf. "My leaf hurts too much to roll in mud." She said, and plastered a fake grin on her face.  
  
"The mud will make it feel better!" Said Porky. "Oh come on I know you'd be a really good roller please Pineapple?"  
  
Pineapple sighed. "All right, fine, let's go."  
  
And so they went outside to roll in some fresh mud. 


	4. Watching friends

Chapter Four  
  
Porky lived on a big farm that raised animals. Pineapple lived on the farm too, but she lived in the house where she was always in danger of being eaten. That was why she came out to Porky's house so often. The farmer's wife would never think to look for her there. On the farm, Porky and Pineapple had lots of friends, like Buddy Buds, the dogwood tree, and Little Caesar, the mushroom. They also had animal friends, like Douglas Hancock, the mole, Doris Dimitri the frog, and Bessie Lou, the cow. No one else liked to roll in the mud though, except Porky. But everyone knew Porky was odd, so when they first saw her rolling in the mud they accepted it as just something that Porky did, because Porky was the only pig on the farm, and possibly one of the weirdest too. But when they saw, Pineapple stick a leaf in a big puddle of mud, they had no idea what to make of it.  
  
Buddy and Caesar lived on a little hill overlooking the farmhouse, and from their viewpoint, they could see everything that happened. Well at least Buddy could. Caesar was too short. Buddy bent down to talk to Little Caesar. "Hey Caesar," he said in his deep voice. "What's Pineapple doing over there?"  
  
"Dude!" squeaked Little Caesar. "Like, man, how should I know? Besides, dude, I can't see what you're talking about, dude."  
  
Buddy sighed. A big heaving sigh that ruffled his leaves. "Pineapple Pineapple is over by that mud puddle, and she's sticking one of her leaves in! I think she's going to roll!"  
  
"Dude come on man!" Said Little Caesar. Only Porky rolls, dude. You must be like hallucinating or something, man. Dude! That's another thing I never figured out, is how come that Pineapple dude's last name is Pineapple. I mean dude, really whose last name is like, you know, Pineapple?"  
  
Buddy frowned. "I never thought about it, but by golly you're right Pineapple has the same last name as her first name!"  
  
Little Caesar nodded knowledgeably. "Dude, of course, I'm right. Man, I'm Little Caesar dude, and like what Little Caesar says is always right, dude."  
  
Meanwhile, Doris, Douglas, and Bessie were also watching Pineapple stick her leaf in. "My stars!" Exclaimed Bessie. "What on earth is that Pineapple doing over there!? I hope she doesn't drown!"  
  
Doris sighed. "Puhlease, Bessie Lou, Pineapple can take care of herself."  
  
"Nonsense!" Said Bessie. "She can't swim!" Bessie Lou was a very motherly cow, and she sounded like a mother too, a very old fashioned mother..  
  
Douglas puffed on his pipe. "I say old chaps, if the bloody Pineapple wants to swim let 'er swim I say." Douglas was from Britain.  
  
"In mud?" Exclaimed Bessie Lou.  
  
Douglas straightened his cap, and puffed some more on his pipe. "Pineapples' never did have much sense, I say. Always reckless."  
  
Doris glared at Douglas. "Pineapple's not reckless."  
  
Bessie Lou crumpled her apron between her hoofs. "Lands sakes, I'm not going to rest until I know she won't drown!" 


	5. Playing in the mud

Chapter Five  
  
At the puddle, Pineapple was shuddering with distaste at sticking her leaf in something so disgusting as a mud puddle. Porky, however, was trotting around in the puddle, and kicking up her feet, splashing, and squealing with joy. Pineapple wrinkled up her nose. "Porky, this is disgusting!"  
  
Porky bounded up to Pineapple, splashing her. "That's because you're not all of the way in yet, Pineapple, come on!" And with that, she pushed Pineapple into the mud with a splat.  
  
Pineapple spluttered to the surface and gasped. "Porky, when I get a hold of you, I will kill you!" She threatened angrily.  
  
Porky laughed. She knew Pineapple wouldn't really kill her.or would she? Porky carefully edged away from Pineapple. Then she came back. "Oh come on Pineapple, it's lots of fun, and we'll get to wash off soon, I promise. Watch this!" And with that she rolled over onto her back and kicked her feet up in the air.  
  
She was sending waves toward Pineapple who was in the shallowest area she could get to. Finally Pineapple decided she should just get it over with. She was already soaking wet anyways. So she flopped over on her back, splashing Porky in the face, and rolled back and forth, her eyes squeezed tight as they would go. Finally she relaxed. This was kinda.fun. The mud was scratching her back, and it really did feel good to her hurt leaf. Plus it was just fun to do something that possibly no respectable pineapple had ever done before.  
  
After a few minutes, Porky rolled over to face Pineapple. "Now wasn't that fun?" She asked.  
  
Pineapple reluctantly nodded. "Yeah ok, it was fun. Now when are we going to wash off?"  
  
"Right now! Let's go!"  
  
Pineapple was curious as to where Porky planned on washing off. So she followed Porky across the farmyard, dripping mud everywhere, and groaned when she saw Porky's 'clean water.' It was literally Porky's clean water- her clean drinking water. "Porky! We aren't really going to bathe in your water are we?"  
  
Porky already had a hoof in. "Of course we are? Why not?"  
  
Pineapple folded her leaves. "Oh only because you're supposed to be drinking it?"  
  
Porky laughed. "Oh don't worry, they change my water every morning and every night. The doofy humans always think that it's strange that my water is always muddy, but oh well. " She shrugged. She climbed in the water trough and sank into the cool, clear, fresh water and sighed happily as the mud was washed from her body. Pineapple sighed. 'Why me?' She thought. She closed her eyes and hopped into the water trough. Amazingly it felt absolutely wonderful. Her leaf didn't hurt a bit anymore and she relaxed. She and Porky splashed around for a bit, before climbing out to lie in the grass to dry, and to sunbathe. The two were soon asleep as the sun shone down on them. 


	6. Pineapple atop ice cream

Chapter Six  
  
Porky woke up to see the Farmer's wife sneak up behind them and grab Porky by her leaves. "Ahha! I found you, you stupid pineapple! My husband has wanted pineapple atop his ice cream for a long time now, and you are not going to escape this time! I just can't figure out how you keep slipping through my grasp. Well not this time, little pineapple, this time, you're mine!" She laughed and walked away holding Pineapple by her leaves.  
  
Pineapple was squirming around in Mrs. Farmer's wife's hands, and screeching. "Ow, ow owowowow! My poor leaf, Porky please help me!" And she was gone.  
  
Porky's eyes went wide, and she stood, up adjusted her bows, and stood tall. "Porky Pink, to the rescue!" She started running after Pineapple and Mrs. Farmer's wife, and then she stopped and thought for a second. "What on earth is Ice Cream?" She shrugged and galloped away. She stopped when she saw Mrs. Farmer's wife go inside. "Oh drat!" She said. She turned around and went up to Buddy and Little Caesar. "Guys," She said. "I need your help."  
  
"Well, sure Porky," said Buddy.  
  
"Like Dude! Anything, man," said, you guessed it, Little Caesar.  
  
"Did you two see what happened?" Asked Porky.  
  
"Absolutely everything," said Buddy sadly.  
  
"Like dude, I'm too short, to like see anything man," Said Caesar, quite upset.  
  
Porky looked at Little Caesar. "Caesar, do you know what?"  
  
Caesar thought for a moment. "Dude, like no. What?"  
  
"It's time for you to be picked!"  
  
There is a special moment in every mushrooms life, where they were picked. Then, they could hop around and be more active. It was when they could see the world. It only happens, as you must know, once in their entire lifetime. It is when ultimately, they are no longer children mushrooms, and are adults. All of the Grandfather mushrooms, had many stories of the adventures that they had after they were picked, and Caesar couldn't wait to start his adventures.  
  
"Well Dude what are you like waiting for? Pick me dude!" If Caesar were already picked he would have been hopping up and down.  
  
So Porky bent down and with a sharp yank, picked Little Caesar from the place he'd lived in his whole life.  
  
Caesar screeched, but it didn't really hurt at all. And when Porky set him on one of Buddy's branches, he stared around in awe. He had never seen so much in his whole life, ever!  
  
Just then Bessie, Douglas and Doris ran up. "Oh my suns, stars, and moons!" Said Bessie. "We saw everything. That poor little pineapple! We've got to save her!"  
  
Doris stood on a rock. "What'll we do?" she asked.  
  
Douglas puffed his pipe. "I jolly well say we should grab her and run, what what."  
  
Porky put her arms behind her back and marched back and forth. "I have a plan. This is what we'll do." And she told the others her plan. 


	7. Rescuing Pineapple

Chapter Seven  
  
With their plan in hand, the friends, minus Buddy of course, since his roots held him down, went up to the house and peered in the kitchen window. What they saw made them gasp, and Bessie moo in terror. Mrs. Farmer's wife had Pineapple firmly on the table, holding tight around the middle, and was grinning evilly holding a butcher knife high in the air right above Pineapple's neck. Pineapple had fainted dead away, and every so often a leaf quivered.  
  
"Quick Douglas!" Whispered Porky. "Go and do your job!"  
  
Douglas quickly went around to the front of the house, and stood in front of the door, and cleared his throat. Inside, Mrs. Farmer's wife had just lowered the knife to Pineapple's skin, when Pineapple woke up and saw Mrs. Farmer's wife raise the knife above her head. Pineapple squeaked and covered her face with her leaves. "I'm going to die!" She moaned. "Die!"  
  
And just as the knife was about to slice Pineapple's throat, Mrs. Farmer's wife heard a voice. ""Well I jolly well say dear, come out and look at this here 'orse!"  
  
Mrs. Farmer's wife frowned and put the knife down. "Since when does George speak in a British accent? And what horse? We don't have any horses. Did he buy a horse without asking me first?"  
  
"The voice came again: "Bloody 'orse, I say, er." the voice coughed. "I mean, come out 'ere dear," and in an obviously fake American voice said: "and check this out!"  
  
Mrs. Farmer's wife was thoroughly confused, but she figured, she may as well see what her 'George' was talking about. Of course it wasn't George at all, but Douglas, pretending to be George. So Mrs. Farmer's wife put Pineapple in the refrigerator, went outside, and what did she see? You may be expecting me to say she saw nothing. Or perhaps you were waiting for her to see a horse. Well no. She saw a cow. And not just any cow, Bessie Lou. And that was Mrs. Farmer's wife's best milking cow! So when she saw Bessie Lou running freely out in the yard, she gathered up her apron, and ran as fast as she could after her!  
  
While Mrs. Farmer's wife was distracted with Bessie Lou, Douglas, Doris, Caesar, and Porky went into the kitchen and tried to pull the refrigerator door open. But it wouldn't budge. "I know what we can do!" Doris exclaimed, hopping onto the top of the refrigerator. She knelt down by the crack in the door, and yelled: "Pineapple, can you hear me?"  
  
Pineapple was sitting in the darkness of the refrigerator and sitting in something slimy at that. But She did faintly hear Doris's call, and she yelled back right away that she could.  
  
"All right!" Yelled Doris, "when I say three, push on the refrigerator door, ok?"  
  
Pineapple nodded, before she remembered that they couldn't see her at all, not even if they were in the refrigerator with her, because it was so dark in there. "Ok!" She yelled back.  
  
"All right!" Said Doris. "Now guys when I say three, we all pull, ok?"  
  
They nodded. "One, two, three!" 


	8. Saved!

Chapter Eight  
  
Doris, Bessie Lou, Porky, Little Caesar and Douglas all pulled while Pineapple pushed. The refrigerator door flew open and Pineapple flew out landing on top Porky.  
  
Porky wrapped her arms around Pineapple. "Pineapple!"  
  
Pineapple grinned. "I'm so happy I'm out of there! It was getting cold!"  
  
The six friends heard the front door slam and the sound of Mrs. Farmer's wife huffing. "That stupid cow!"  
  
"Oh!" Exclaimed Bessie. "Stupid indeed!"  
  
Porky ran to the kitchen door and opened it. "Quick everyone, outside!"  
  
They all ran outside into the fresh air and up to the hill where Buddy Buds was waiting for them. When he saw Pineapple, he held out his boughs and gave her a very prickly hug. "You little Pineapple, you!" He ruffled her leafs with one of his twigs. Pineapple hopped up onto one of his branches.  
  
"Oh, I'm so very happy to be free!"  
  
Porky smiled. "Now our life can finally get back to normal!"  
  
Caesar laughed. "But Dude, life was like, so much fun, dude, when it was like, exciting, you know what I mean man?"  
  
Doris rolled her eyes. "Yes we know Caesar!" 


	9. Prospects of treasure

Chapter Nine  
  
It was a cool spring morning and Pineapple was sitting on her front porch, which was under the Farmer's front porch, reading a newspaper. Her neighbor, Davey Pine, was sitting on his front porch too, but he wasn't reading a newspaper, he was swinging on his porch swing. Therefore he had no idea what Pineapple was talking about when she hopped up from her seat and started shouting about treasure.  
  
"Pineapple love, what is it?"  
  
"Treasure, Davey, treasure! Gold! Jewels! Silver! Jewels! I'll be the richest most famous most admired pineapple in all the land!" She clasped her leafs together and sighed, the newspaper forgotten at her feet. "Oh, I suppose I am being silly, I shouldn't start acting like Porky. I mean, there'll be millions of other plants and animals out there applying too I mustn't get my hopes up." She smiled at Davey. "But maybe I do have a chance. I'll go tell Porky right away!" And away she hopped, heading towards Porky's pighouse.  
  
Davey raised his eyebrows at Pineapple's retreating back. He hopped over to the newspaper, picked it up, and looked at it. On the front page, there was an advertisement. It read:  
  
Wanted:  
  
Gold digger/hunter, willing to go on a journey to faraway lands, looking for treasure; map provided. Will get 50% of the treasure. Required to sign contract, contact Arnold Shwartzanhare to apply for job.  
  
Davey couldn't help the grin that popped onto his face. "The fancy dreams that this one has. Ugh."  
  
Meanwhile, Pineapple hopped over to Porky's pighouse and knocked on the door.  
  
"PORKY OPEN UP!" She shouted. Porky slept in late all of the time and she slept like a log.  
  
Porky slowly made her way to the door, her eyes still closed. "I don wanna buy nothing." She mumbled.  
  
Pineapple rolled her eyes. "Porky, it's me!"  
  
Porky opened her eyes and yawned. "Oh h-h-hi, Pineapple." She said, yawning again. "What's up?"  
  
Pineapple brushed past Porky into the living room. "How do you fancy being the richest pig in the land?"  
  
Porky clapped her hooves together. "Ooh! I fancy that very much!" She was very much awake now.  
  
Pineapple told her all about the newspaper article, and when she finished, Porky did a flip. "Great! When do we start?"  
  
Pineapple grinned. "That's my girl! Let's go now!" And she headed for the door. 


End file.
